![]() ![]() Cooler than the flip side of the pillow.Being cool is being your own self, not doing something that someone else is telling you to do.”I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.” – Woody Allenġ4-day trial period.“No man can be wise on an empty stomach.” – George Eliot.“If I’m not complaining, I’m not having a good time, hah hah!” ― Martin Scorsese.“I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.” ― Mae West.“Two wrongs don’t make a right, but they make a good excuse.” ― Thomas Szasz.“The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.” ― George Carlin.What truly horrible lives they must lead.” ― Charles Bukowski “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” ― Steve Martin.“Never put off till tomorrow what may be done the day after tomorrow just as well.” ― Mark Twain.I’m not single I’m just romantically challenged.I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.I’m not addicted to coffee we’re just in a committed relationship.I don’t trust stairs they’re always up to something.If I were a vegetable, I’d be a cute-cumber.I’m not clumsy, just gravity’s biggest fan.My bed and I are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock disagrees.If I were funny, this caption would be hilarious.I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.The fridge is a clear example that what matters is on the inside.I followed a diet but it didn’t follow me back, so I unfollowed it.You just can’t live a full life on an empty stomach.That awkward moment when you’re wearing Nikes but you can’t do it.I need a six-month vacation twice a year.I make it like five or six times, you know, just to be sure. Vodka may not be the answer but it’s worth a shot.He said onions are the only food that makes you cry. I eat cake because it’s somebody’s birthday somewhere.Yes, I know there is a really special place in Hell for me.It sure is strange that after Tuesday the rest of the week spells WTF.Heck yeah, I want to go home, and I’ll have a nap when I get there. People say “go big or go home” like going home is a bad thing.I don’t like violence but I don’t mind if I get hit by luck.To make time fly, throw your watch out the window.Dear autocorrect, that’s not what I was trying to say. ![]() You can only “ran,” because it’s past tents.
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